Welcome!
Written by dryan on August 25th, 2008Spiritual Abuse (spir’-i-choo-el a-byoos’). Wouldn’t it be great if it was as simple as looking it up in a dictionary? But nothing about spiritual abuse is simple. Those who have experienced it, know it is powerful enough to cause them to question their relationship with God, indeed, the very existence of God. And it is subtle too! The perpetrators of spiritual abuse are rarely ‘Snidely Whiplash’ sorts of characters who announce that they are going to drain your spiritual energy. They may be people who seem like they are seeking to guide you to the deepest levels of spiritual maturity.
Spiritual abuse occurs when someone in a position of spiritual authority, the purpose of which is to ‘come underneath’ and serve, build, equip and make God’s people MORE free, misuses that authority placing themselves over God’s people to control, coerce or manipulate them for seemingly Godly purposes which are really their own.
The result? Well, if you have experienced spiritual abuse, you know result. We hope the resources at this web site will be helpful to you. The damage that has been done is not irreversible. It is possible to feel safe again. It is possible to learn to rest again. It is possible to regain that sense of blessing you once had when you first realized that God’s stance towards you, God’s ‘yes’, was not based on your performance, but rather on God’s very own performance, that of Jesus, signed, sealed, finished, available in gift-form only.
Jeff VanVonderen
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Thank you for putting this on your site because spiritual abuse is so real in a lot of churches today but not to many people want to talk about it. Yes, I have been spiritual abuse for 2 years. I did not know it until a pastor talk to me about it and I read the bible Then I know that I was being spiritual abuse. I just want to say thank you and may God bless you.
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I have not read your book but I will!When I read your intro. I found it very profound. I was a part of a church a spiritual family for over 10 yrs.Then a charming man started attending and after 7mos. of meeting him he and the Pastor managed to convince my heart to marry him.On the day of our wedding at the alter he was no longer emotionally connected with me? I thought it was just nerves but on our honeymoon he rejected me often and refused to french kiss me. The next 3 years was nightmare of neglect and finding womens phone numbers and when I went to the church for help and he refused to repent after 2 yrs of counseling I was told that if I did not stay focused on Jesus and stay in the marrage and behave correctly that I would be placed on church discipline and be eventually Excommunicated from the church.My husband became increasingly abusive physically and emtionally and I felt trapped in a corner I ran away and filed for divorce without the love and support of my “family” I was lost but I finally felt safe.
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I have gotten a lot out of Jeff’s books.
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Jeff has done a lot to help people recover from spiritual abuse. Another good website to learn more about check out ChurchAbuse.com.
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Hi.
Check out http://www.ChurchExiters.com.
This is a doctoral dissertation which is available online.
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My friend Grace was a missionary kid in Brazil during the 1940′s and her memoir, Divine Betrayl (www.divinebetrayal.com) talks about the abuse, both physical and sexual, that she experienced there. My husband and I also experienced spiritual abuse at the church we worked until, thank God, we escaped and found freedom. Keep up the good work! Looking forward to reading your book! Eileen
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I attended a church one time that not only condoned the physical and psychological abuse of my husband toward me, but abandoned myself and my children when he left us with nothing. It has been a difficult road back to my faith and trusting church institutes, but God is gracious.
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Spiritual abuse comes in many forms. There’s a blog that talks about the abuse endemic in the patriarchal/quiverfull movement. It’s called ‘No Longer Quivering’. Those readers here who are not familiar with this movement will undoubtedly find it of interest.
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It has been 4 years since we left the church and community we had poured ourselves into. 7 years since the pain started. And I have found myself with no trust, no church family, no real friends and unhealed. It has hurt my marriage and family and i wonder if I will ever heal or recover. It seems the longer it has been the less hope I have that there is another chapter or a reason for the pain.
No hope
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this website is very helpful..batteredsheep.com
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It’s just so reassuring to know that I’m not on my own.
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Your writings have played a tremendous role in my personal healing from spiritual abuse. Thank you for your commitment, passion, and faithfulness to God.
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I was spiritually abused recently. I am hurt and dealing with anger. I also was abused last year and it took me a long time to get over that incident. I lost alot of friends over it, but God stood by me and He continues to be faithful! Thank you for the information on spiritual abuse!
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SPIRITUAL ABUSE WILL BE CONFRONTED WITH GOD’S WRATH.TRUE BELIEVERS MUST PRAY AND SPEAK GOD’S WORD REGARDING THESE WOLVES AND FALSE PROPHETS AND FALSE TEACHERS WHO OBVIOUSLY DON’T BELIEVE GOD’S WORD FOR THEMSELVES.GOD WILL PROTECT HIS SHEEP AND EXPOSE SPIRITUAL ABUSE FOR WHAT IT IS.THESE PRETENDERS AND ABUSERS WILL SOON LEARN THEIR LESSON ABOUT PLAYING WITH GOD AND HURTING GOD’S CHILDREN! GOD IS A HEALER AND THERE IS A FUTURE IN YOUR TRUE CALLING-EVEN AFTER ABUSE!
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Hi Everyone,
My doctoral research on how people recovered after spiritual abuse in the local church is soon to be published.
I have helpful information on my website: http://www.ChurchExiters.com.
I will also let people know when the book is available.
Sharing in your pain,
Dr. Barb Orlowski
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i believe that i too suffered spiritual abuse. my leaders had do a year and a haalf of “pastoral training” and to get to know a very well-known pastor’s son. I did not have any physical contact and thought that it was very spritual. right now, i am homeless because of this, and the leadership was very aware of my domestic violence and the issues that it brings. after my damascus road experience, i have been on the outside with severe reprecussions. now, when i was in the inner circle, i am an outcast.these persons minister the Word of God, and I truly have my doubts.i have found out that some of the methods are somewhat of an physcosocial. i have even considered of leaving my city because of the constant harrassment. thanksss
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Hi Everyone,
Yes, my book has been published! If you would like a copy of the book: ‘Spiritual Abuse Recovery: Dynamic Research on Finding a Place of Wholeness’–just contact me at: info@churchexiters.com.
Books are $29 U.S. You can find a description of the book on my website: http://www.ChurchExiters.com.
I believe that this book will be a welcome resource for church leaders as well as wounded congregants.
I’m looking forward to hearing from you.
Dr.Barb Orlowski
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After joining an intercessors group, I was betrayed by people I made friends with. Through them, I became deceived and didn’t know it until recently. I am dealing with emotional pain, anger, hurt, and feeling like I have lost connection with God. I no longer have friends. I recently started attending a church that is grounded in prayer and the Word. It’s so refreshing after the cult like, manmade religious churches I have been in over the last 6 years. I’m thankful I am not alone in this abuse recovery and so grateful that God never once turned His back on me. Praise the Lord!
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I have been on the receiving end of serious spiritual and mental abuse and am trying to deal with it. Recently a trusted friend and a pastor have told me to go and apologies publicly for ‘my part of it’. Being told this hurts, again. Why would someone who has been abused have to say sorry to the abusers?
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I see you address church leadership, but what about a wife that has moved into false teaching, Faith Movement and so on (over a 15 year period), and becomes the one to be the spiritual abuser? I don’t quite see that addressed here. For her there is no room for discussion/dialogue as you as the husband are in ‘deception’ and the role of the spiritual leader is negated because you do not have the ‘insight’ she has, until of course you come into the husband God has ‘told’ her through ‘revelation’ that you should be. It’s exhausting and of course makes you feel ‘done’. With a leader or church you can just walk away, but marriage (of course) it’s quite different.